In a world divided by strife and controversy, it’s comforting to know that we are all united by one thing: our hatred of Judith Ward.
More baleful than the Tragic Clown, less welcome than the Grim Reaper, more ubiquitous than Knox Greenburg, meaner than Agnes Crumplebottom, more importunate than Vladislaus Straud, more destructive than Greg, more self-absorbed than Nancy Landgraab, more invasive than the Welcome Wagon, Judith Ward is the shining shadow darkening all our Sim-lives with her fame aura. But now you can show your displeasure with the Judith Ward Anti-Fan Kit, feature the following decorative, functional, and reasonably priced items.
The No Wards Allowed un-welcome mat. Heavens knows why there is a “no dogs’ mat in the game; who would use that (EXCEPT JUDITH WARD!)? What everyone really needs is a “No Wards Allowed” mat because absolutely no one wants an unplanned drop-in from Judith Ward (except for suck-ups looking to leech some of her fame as part of some aspiration goal).
The No Warding Zone sign. Pesky Judiths. Always shining on our lawns and depositing paparazzi on our doorsteps. Let them know that’s not permitted with this very official-looking sign. It’s guaranteed to be completely ineffective, but it will help your lawyer plead for a reduction to a manslaughter charge if it ever comes to that.
The Dart-Ward. Face it: darts is boring because it’s too abstract. It’s lacks theme, lacks motivation. The Dart-Wards fixes that by putting a face on it: Judith’s. You’ll practice happily for hours for hours and never even check the score! Join in? No, your friends will have to get their OWN copies, you’re not giving up YOUR turn…
The Punchin’ Judy boxing bag. Similarly, boxing practice is improved enormously with the personal touch of this Judith Ward-themed punching bag. Why, Olivia Moon has a standing order for a new one every month, and credits it with her upcoming lead role in a Gene Tunney biopic. Remember, you may meet Judith Ward some day; it pays to be prepared.
The Scream, Judith, Scream squeaky toy. Judith’s fear of mice is legendary (despite her publicity agent’s best attempts to cover up the Disneyworld Incident), so we couldn’t resist the delicious irony of putting her likeness on a toy mouse. Now you can live out those idle daydreams of listening to Judith’s screams as you turn her over to the waiting fangs of your pack of wild animals.
The “Judith on Fire” painting. Renowned artist and ex-husband of Judith Ward, Ron Mugger, was so distraught at not having been present at the Ward Park Incident, in which Judith’s fame aura spontaneously combusted from an oversupply of pride and nearly immolated her in front of a large crowd of curiously unmoved “fans”, that, using photo footage as a reference, he painted his now famous “Judith on Fire” masterpiece. The original, of course, is at the Plumbob Museum, but now you can own a framed, high-quality print reproduction that will allow you to stare at Judith Ward, on fire from her own vanity, every day.
Expansion Packs
(Published on: 2023-04-21 12:00:00)
